I received an email from a gentleman I met two days ago at a bate party.
(By the way that was my first time I've ever been to a bate party. It was amazing.)
He wrote how he had a great time playing with me and that he would love to meet up with me again. I was flattered to receive his message. But as I thought about it, my question lay on the notion of meeting to talk and get to know each other or to jack each other off again. The thought of either sounded nice although I had pretty much assumed it was for the ladder.
I started thinking about my relationships in general. The more I thought of all the hook ups, all the spank parties, S/M clubs, circle jerks, fuck buds and even this blog, the more I realized just how few friends I have.
There comes a time when the sensual touch, dirty talk, and downright hot man on man sex isn't enough.
I have been blessed to have a wonderful partner that loves me, allows me the freedom to be me and someone to plan trips together. And when it comes to getting hot and nasty, there's plenty of that.
But sometimes there's a need for something different. Sometimes you want someone to go to the shopping mall with and check out the hot guys. Sometimes you want to talk on the phone about stupid shit. Sometimes you want to vent to your close friend about how your man pissed you off yelling,"You know what that son of a bitch did ?!!"
Sometimes you just want someone who will listen. They don't have to have any answers or give you any advice. Nor do they have to tell you their opinion. Sometimes you just want someone who will listen.
The Older I get the more I realize that a friend is a very hard thing to find. I mean a REAL friend. So I kindly declined getting together with this guy.
Just as expected, I received no reply asking for a rain check or for that matter a reason why I chose not to agree to a rendezvous.
In the past I would have written back asking,"Are you still there?" But I didn't. I just let it go.
What a unique place to be in right now.
I'm in a place where I don't expect much from people; maybe because of past disappointments.
Maybe its because I know that at the end of the day, its just about quick gratification for most and I'm past that.
I don't fault them nor do I bitch and complain about it anymore.
I'm in a place in life; and have been for quite some time where friendships and true connections means so much more than this sex play that most gay men call a lifestyle.
I believe the difference between me in my youth and me in my mid forties is that it doesn't bother me anymore when I don't get that connection that I'm looking for.
I understand that it takes work to find a true friend and it takes work to be one. And many in this day and age of the internet and instant gratification can easily just "add" a friend instead of becoming one. Many just aren't willing to take on that effort.
As a youngster, I was easily bothered by that idea. But I have found peace in my art, my writing, myself and most of all my quest to walk closer with God.
I can't deny that I'm definitely going through a change. Last year I talked about the physical changes happening as I get older in IS IT REALLY DOWNHILL AFTER 40 ? Now I seem to be going through a character change as well. Its not a bad change nor is it a great change in my opinion. But it is undeniably a change.
When I started this post I was hesitant to actually publishing it because I felt like no one wants to hear my ranting. But I realized it's important to share this because even though it was ass that made my blog so popular, I would like to think that it is the revealing myself as an artist, a man and a human being that would keep it popular; even more than the ass.
I started thinking about my relationships in general. The more I thought of all the hook ups, all the spank parties, S/M clubs, circle jerks, fuck buds and even this blog, the more I realized just how few friends I have.
There comes a time when the sensual touch, dirty talk, and downright hot man on man sex isn't enough.
I have been blessed to have a wonderful partner that loves me, allows me the freedom to be me and someone to plan trips together. And when it comes to getting hot and nasty, there's plenty of that.
But sometimes there's a need for something different. Sometimes you want someone to go to the shopping mall with and check out the hot guys. Sometimes you want to talk on the phone about stupid shit. Sometimes you want to vent to your close friend about how your man pissed you off yelling,"You know what that son of a bitch did ?!!"
Sometimes you just want someone who will listen. They don't have to have any answers or give you any advice. Nor do they have to tell you their opinion. Sometimes you just want someone who will listen.
The Older I get the more I realize that a friend is a very hard thing to find. I mean a REAL friend. So I kindly declined getting together with this guy.
Just as expected, I received no reply asking for a rain check or for that matter a reason why I chose not to agree to a rendezvous.
In the past I would have written back asking,"Are you still there?" But I didn't. I just let it go.
What a unique place to be in right now.
I'm in a place where I don't expect much from people; maybe because of past disappointments.
Maybe its because I know that at the end of the day, its just about quick gratification for most and I'm past that.
I don't fault them nor do I bitch and complain about it anymore.
I'm in a place in life; and have been for quite some time where friendships and true connections means so much more than this sex play that most gay men call a lifestyle.
I believe the difference between me in my youth and me in my mid forties is that it doesn't bother me anymore when I don't get that connection that I'm looking for.
I understand that it takes work to find a true friend and it takes work to be one. And many in this day and age of the internet and instant gratification can easily just "add" a friend instead of becoming one. Many just aren't willing to take on that effort.
As a youngster, I was easily bothered by that idea. But I have found peace in my art, my writing, myself and most of all my quest to walk closer with God.
I can't deny that I'm definitely going through a change. Last year I talked about the physical changes happening as I get older in IS IT REALLY DOWNHILL AFTER 40 ? Now I seem to be going through a character change as well. Its not a bad change nor is it a great change in my opinion. But it is undeniably a change.
When I started this post I was hesitant to actually publishing it because I felt like no one wants to hear my ranting. But I realized it's important to share this because even though it was ass that made my blog so popular, I would like to think that it is the revealing myself as an artist, a man and a human being that would keep it popular; even more than the ass.
