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Monday, November 21, 2016


This is an account of an event that took place about a year ago.

I received an email from a gentleman I met two days ago at a bate party.
(By the way that was my first time I've ever been to a bate party.  It was amazing.)

He wrote how he had a great time playing with me and that he would love to meet up with me again.  I was flattered to receive his message.  But as I thought about it, my question lay on the notion of meeting to talk and get to know each other or to jack each other off again.  The thought of either sounded nice although I had pretty much assumed it was for the ladder.

I started thinking about my relationships in general.  The more I thought of all the hook ups, all the spank parties, S/M clubs, circle jerks, fuck buds and even this blog, the more I realized just how few friends I have.

There comes a time when the sensual touch, dirty talk, and downright hot man on man sex isn't enough.

I have been blessed to have a wonderful partner that loves me, allows me the freedom to be me and someone to plan trips together. And when it comes to getting hot and nasty, there's plenty of that.

But sometimes there's a need for something different.  Sometimes you want someone to go to the shopping mall with and check out the hot guys.  Sometimes you want to talk on the phone about stupid shit.  Sometimes you want to vent to your close friend about how your man pissed you off yelling,"You know what that son of a bitch did ?!!"

Sometimes you just want someone who will listen.  They don't have to have any answers or give you any advice.  Nor do they have to tell you their opinion.  Sometimes you just want someone who will listen.

The Older I get the more I realize that a friend is a very hard thing to find.  I mean a REAL friend.  So I kindly declined getting together with this guy.

Just as expected, I received no reply asking for a rain check or for that matter a reason why I chose not to agree to a rendezvous.

In the past I would have written back asking,"Are you still there?" But I didn't.  I just let it go.

What a unique place to be in right now.

I'm in a place where I don't expect much from people; maybe because of past disappointments.

Maybe its because I know that at the end of the day, its just about quick gratification for most and I'm past that.

I don't fault them nor do I bitch and complain about it anymore.

I'm in a place in life; and have been for quite some time where friendships and true connections means so much more than this sex play that most gay men call a lifestyle.

I believe the difference between me in my youth and me in my mid forties is that it doesn't bother me anymore when I don't get that connection that I'm looking for.

I understand that it takes work to find a true friend and it takes work to be one.  And many in this day and age of the internet and instant gratification can easily just "add" a friend instead of becoming one. Many just aren't willing to take on that effort.

As a youngster, I was easily bothered by that idea.  But I have found peace in my art, my writing, myself and most of all my quest to walk closer with God.

I can't deny that I'm definitely going through a change.  Last year I talked about the physical changes happening as I get older in IS IT REALLY DOWNHILL AFTER 40 ? Now I seem to be going through a character change as well.  Its not a bad change nor is it a great change in my opinion.   But it is undeniably a change.

When I started this post I was hesitant to actually publishing it because I felt like no one wants to hear my ranting. But I realized it's important to share this because even though it was ass that made my blog so popular, I would like to think that it is the revealing myself as an artist, a man and a human being that would keep it  popular; even more than the ass.


  1. I found this post very interesting! I'm 44 and not any change till now. How old are you?


    1. like I said its not a bad experience or a good one it just a different place I'm in I guess.

    2. glad to know we're about the same age!

  2. The thing I have also found is when I was younger I had a huge group of friends.....always someone to do something with. Now , being 40, my group of friends is smaller, but much closer knit. I have to know someone very well now to be in my inner sanctum.

  3. every stage of life has its own peculiarities: Now friends are selected more carefully and become almost a family.

  4. Yes I would definitely prefer to have a small group of friends that I'm really close to that a bunch I'm not.

  5. Mark, I think that it is great that you expressed what this chapter in your life is like. While your blog is filled with beautiful examples of your erotic photography (and selfishly, I hope that remains a big part), I think I enjoy reading about your life experiences just as much. We all need that inner circle of people who you can share about things with. It is not having lots of those friends but a few who are truly there.

    If I am honest, I have had trouble letting people into that inner most circle. I think I have been hurt and it is tough for me. I am 33 and I feel that as I get older, that may actually become easier because of not being as sensitive about being hurt, realizing that life goes on and that person was not meant to be in my life. At least I am counting on that.

    Thanks for sharing your heart and your feelings (and thanking you with a hug via blog!).

    1. Gabe thank you so much for that . I'm so glad that I do have that camaraderie with you guys thank you so much for your sharing.

  6. A beautiful baring of the soul. Thanks for everything you do - because it is all a part of who you are. If all I wanted was to surf through pictures, there are plenty of those by typing "cock xxx" into a search engine.

    I'm 64 now, and I appreciate the circle of friends I have made here via the blogosphere: You, Jean, Lord Patrick, French Patrick, Phil at AOM, Mistress Maddie; I believe if we met at a gathering, we would be drawn together there just as we are here.

    Among my true friends outside of the internet - well, they can be counted on one hand. True friendship is something that is learned with age. These are the people who have your back, indulge your idiosyncrocies, listen to your ranting and venting, offer solace instead of advice, laugh with you when it's time to be silly, cry with you when you've been hurt by loss...

    Virtual hugs, Mark!

  7. What a time that would be if we could all get together and meet. That would be extraordinarily. It's very encouraging to know that you guys continue to come back and enjoy my sharing what ever form it may be. Thanks so much.


Thanks for commenting. I enjoy great conversation and sharing opinion. I love interacting with fellow friends and bloggers !

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